It is Bike Month again, which means bicyclists are emerging onto trails and streets in visible numbers, radiating alarming levels of self-satisfaction and pure enjoyment.
Naturally, many reasonable people resisting the urge to bike are asking: “But what if I have an excuse?”
Good News for Potential Procrastinators!
FABB has compiled ten of the finest, most carefully crafted excuses for not riding a bike this month (but, as regular riders, we couldn’t stop ourselves from adding crucial context that may weaken these excuses considerably).
- “I would ride, but I don’t own a fancy bike.”
An understandable concern. Social media has created the impression that every cyclist owns a bicycle handcrafted from moon titanium by a retired Belgian artisan. In reality, many people are riding perfectly ordinary bikes held together by determination and one suspiciously wobbly water bottle cage. Your bike does not need to impress anyone. It merely needs to move forward.
- “It’s too far.”
This is often true right up until someone checks the distance and discovers the destination is 1.8 miles away. Which is less “epic expedition” and more “surprisingly manageable outing.”
- “I’m worried about hills.”
Fairfax County does contain hills. Many, many hills. However, cyclists have developed several advanced coping strategies, including:
- Going slower
- Using easier gears
- Dramatically discussing the hill afterward as though returning from battle
You, too, can do this.
- “I might get sweaty.”
Counterpoint: many people are already sweaty. It is called “existing in Virginia in May.” Also, casual biking is remarkably effective at avoiding the Tour de France experience people imagine. You are allowed to ride gently. The bicycle police will not intervene.
- “Drivers are impatient.”
Some are. But fortunately, bicycles possess a secret ability known as “using trails and neighborhood streets whenever possible.” Also, nothing confuses aggressive driving culture quite like someone peacefully enjoying themselves outdoors.
- “I don’t have the right gear.”
Cycling catalogs would like you to believe you require:
- aerodynamic sunglasses,
- seventeen blinking lights,
- and a jersey costing approximately the GDP of a small principality.
You do not. Many successful bike rides have been completed by people wearing regular shorts, a t-shirt, and a sunny disposition (and a helmet, please wear a helmet).
- “What if I look silly?”
You know what looks sillier than riding a bike? Paying $4.79 a gallon for gas while sitting motionless in traffic wondering where your life went wrong.
- “I’m too busy.”
An excellent excuse, except for the inconvenient reality that biking can replace trips you already make. Errands. Coffee runs. Quick commutes. Trips to clear your head before answering one more email marked “quick question.” Sometimes the bike ride is not additional time. It is better time.
- “The weather might change.”
This is Virginia. The weather is always changing. If humanity waited for perfect weather conditions, civilization would consist entirely of people indoors checking radar apps forever. Sometimes you simply must look outside and say, “Good enough.”
- “Maybe next year.”
A classic. Timeless and elegant. Unfortunately, this overlooks the key feature of bicycles: they are enjoyable now. Not theoretically. Not eventually. Now.
A Modest Proposal for Bike Month
Look, nobody is asking you to immediately bicycle across the Commonwealth carrying camping gear and an artisanal baguette. But maybe:
- one short ride,
- one trail visit,
- one bike-to-coffee expedition,
- or one commute experiment.
That is how many people start.
And before long, you find yourself casually recommending trails to friends and saying sentences like, “Honestly, parking down there is terrible anyway.”
Happy Bike Month from FABB—and we hope to see you out riding.
